But I’ll do it at my pace…

I haven’t written anything in a while. Not because I didn’t want to, but because I’ve been so busy, and any time I get some free time I instantly can’t think of what to write. It’s very annoying.

I was busy finishing up my undergraduate degree. that’s right, I graduated. Finally!


i have a piece of paper now that says i know about media

this was a decade in the making. I started at one school that I quickly hated, took time off to have spinal surgery, went back to the hated school for a semester, left, took more time off as family members became very ill, enrolled in a different school, had only 2 classes transfer over to the new school and had to essentially start from scratch, but then got my associates degree in business administration, with a focus on marketing, and transferred to another school where i got my bachelors of arts in media studies, and a minor in history. it took fucking ages. it took a lot of work. but i did it. i’m done.

This last semester was difficult, as I was taking three writing intensive courses. I had tons of reading and writing to do. I loved it, but damn it was hard. This meant before and after going to London for Lost Evenings all I did was research, reading, and write like i was running out of time. The night I got back to New York I was finishing up a power point presentation I had to give the following morning for one part of my final. The week after landing I basically locked myself in my bed room with tons of books, PDFs, and films and just wrote. It was wonderful. But hard. And I’m really proud of the papers I wrote. I got my grades back for my final semester at I received the trinity of A-, A, and A+.

My GPA for the semester was 3.9. My overall GPA was 3.5. I graduated with honors.

In middle school and high school and my first few years at that first college, I was a terrible student. I did okay in the classes I liked, but if I wasn’t 100% passionate then I was 100% uninvested, and did not care. So for me to go from an absolutely horrible student with shitty grades in everything that was not history, art, or english to graduating with honors, and researching and applying for graduate programs, genuinely blows my mind. I graduated with honors even though every chance I got I ran away from NYC to go to shows for XMR bands – often leaving the country during midterms or finals. But I’d study on cruise ships and planes, and bring my text books along with me, and write on trains. And I got it all done.

I never considered graduate studies, until my professors started telling me in 2016 that they thought I could do it. I kind of want to cry just thinking about that. How did I get from that terrible student to this? My history professor was the first one to say it, then one media professor, then another, then another. And then I believed I could do it, and I wanted to do it. It’s scary as hell because it’s going to be expensive, and more work than I’ve ever done, but I want it so badly and that’s exciting.

Now that i’m done with school all that I can think of are potential papers to write for fun. My list keeps growing, I keep it on my phone. There’s so many interesting things that aren’t analyzed in a scholarly way, and I want to fix that. And I will.

“Because it isn’t where you finish, it’s the way you run this race, and I intend to go the distance but I’ll do it at my pace.” – Ben Marwood, ‘Toil’.


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